Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
did i just pee glitter
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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