Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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