I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
