I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
