He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
