i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
