Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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