Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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