my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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