I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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