Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
