I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
