dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hippo gnu deer
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize