thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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