I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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