the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
