did you get engaged???
it was like eating out sand paper
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
