I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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