East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
