i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
