but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the day after is always just damage control
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
