Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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