she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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