She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
