even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
