That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm at about main and main street
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Vodka?
Forever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
