Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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