Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
