I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
