That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
