This is not my ceiling
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
