Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bring me that man meat
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
