Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
