i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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