Just fell off a train. Bad.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
