Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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