question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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