If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
