Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
