I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
