Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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