If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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