i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
