apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
