The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
