Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize