you guys were way drunker than both of me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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