I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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