ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
