So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
