you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
