Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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