True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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