I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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