May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How external is "for external use only"?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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