I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
