you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Say something about gay babies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
