my mouth tastes like poor choices
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
