I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
