So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
