Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
