I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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