After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
