So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
