you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
