I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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