I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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