Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
