i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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