How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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